The mistake is seeking clarity from the past. Grasping for the wisps and echoes of the clarity one had, the memory of clarity. Which is? Really, just memory of a feeling – the feeling of relief from cloudiness, of attainment, all that. But not clarity itself.
Clarity is right here, right now. It is in the dissatisfaction with this existence, this moment, this room, this apartment, this apparent lack of progress, this situation – ultimately with this experience, which is oneself.
Clarity is here, and it is what I was turning away from.